I was also told that I should be watching the Olympics because these people are risking their lives to compete for the glory of their nation. Sorry, but until they let ravenous polar bears into the curling arena, I am going to have a hard time swallowing that notion. Furthermore, risk of death or significant injury qualifies an event for MTV's "Jackass," not the Olympics. Maybe this is why I am not a big NASCAR fan; I was very impressed that Lindsey Kildow competed after her horrific crash, but seeing it over and over again didn't raise my level of respect for her, it just diminished my level of respect for NBC.
So while I am not sure they should be Olympic sports, the freestyle skiing and snowboarding events are pretty cool, but watching the moguls made me say, "Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch..." until the guy finished. My favorite skier was the Chinese competitor who screamed as he took off from the aerial ramp. I have no idea what he said, maybe the Chinese equivalent of "Banzai!" but I think we all could identify with his sentiment. I am sure there were many great moments I missed, even in the opening and closing ceremonies, but I just couldn't sit through all the mediocre monotony to see them.
Since I began my Olympic preview with a brief verse, I find it fitting to close in the same. This is not set to any particular tune, but go ahead and make up your own.
So Michelle joins Belle in the Disney parade
Denied gold again, but at least she'll get paid
And Bode was grody, his sponsors' dismayed
Could Nike be seeking to make a trade?
Lindsey Kildow, big spill, OW! How'd she ever survive?
And skied two days later! Bode, take notes, that's called competitive drive.
Jacobellis could tell us why she pulled that last trick
It cost her the gold, she had to be sick.
Johnny Weir, have a beer, so your bus was late?
It's okay, Tom Cruise called, he wants a date
Chad wasn't bad, got the first US gold
But trashing his teammate? That got old.
Shaun White took flight, his halfpipe's a great show
And the world learned the name of the Flying Tomato
Joey Cheek reached his peak, made his sprint with a burst
Nobody was close when he crossed the line first
Hannah Teter, who beat her? No one, that's who.
What's a McTwisty, you say? Dude, I have no clue
Ted Ligety got jigety, won gold on the slope
That's the way it's done, Bode, you dope
Seth Wescott, his best got an Olympic gold medal
A storybook ending like Hansel and Gretel
Shani Davis, he gave us historic achievement
But his post-race interview was the face of bereavement
Mancuso like Clousseau was right on the case
Schussing and sliding in the giant slalom race
Apolo could follow, he just couldn't lead
'Til the last day, then showtime for Ohno, indeed
Torino, now we know was all these and more
Get ready Vancouver, we'll see you in four