Tony Kornheiser has been asking listeners to recommend a signature touchdown catchphrase that he can use on next year on Monday Night Football. Today he read my submission:
Dear Mr. Tony,
I have come up with an excellent touchdown call that will also serve to shut up Joe Theismann. Tirico says, "Touchdown," and you immediately chime in, "God, I wish I knew how to quit you, Joe." This will probably also silence Tirico, but then you will have complete control of the microphone.