Ahh, yes another two hours of American Idol, somehow made almost tolerable by the presence of Lulu as this week's guest instructor for British Invasion Week. Also some producer who is even more obscure than Lulu helped the guys. Don't know Lulu? Here she is in "To Sir With Love" with Sidney Poitier. I am a big fan of his, but do you think Sir Sidney ever got tired of coming to the rescue of clueless white folks in his movies? If he did, it never showed. And now, we move from the supremely to marginally gifted.
Last week, Haley wore a tiny little dress. This week, she wore hot pants and a backless top. What did she sing? It really doesn't matter. If this were Miss America, she would do great in the evening gown and swimsuit but fall short in the talent competition.
The contestant responsible for my kids' increased saliva output sang The Zombies' "Time of the Season." Is this song the first recorded use of the phrase, "Who's your Daddy?" Suddenly, I hate The Zombies.
Sang "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying." And don't let the door hit you on your way out, please, either. Who has a larger head, Chris or Melinda? With that crew cut, he looks like one of the stick figures appearing in those antidrug ads.
Pursued a shaky strategy by taking on Melinda and LaKisha with "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." Lulu said she reminded her of Beyonce, which is nice, but I think she is going to get beyounced this week.
Sang "Diamonds are Forever." Fine, boring, but fine. She is so good, they should just give her a bye into the finals, sort of like the way they used to seed the professional tennis and bowling tournaments (FitzFact!).
Chose the right band with the Stones, but the wrong song with the morbid "Paint it Black." Too much sitar and dangerously similar to Sundance's fatal pick of "Jeremy." If she had any guts, she would've laid it on the line with "Let's Spend the Night Together." Still, America likes to rock, or at least we like to think we do, so she is safe tonight.
Another Shirley Bassey song, "I (Who Have Nothing)." Did you know Shirley Bassey is Welsh? Here is a link to the Wikipedia page listing other famous Welsh female singers. Other than Bonnie Tyler and Charlotte Church, let me know if you recognize any of these names.
The great thing about The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" is that you don't have to be able to sing a single note to get through it. Having his sister continue to wear lowcut tops in the obligatory family shot will only add to the irresistible force that is the Sanjaya voting bloc.
Was "Tobacco Road" his shoutout to the North Carolina Tarheels, who take on USC this week in the NCAA Tournament? In his nonsinging moments on camera, he seem to realize that he is teetering on the edge. If he stays a few more weeks, I am really looking forward to a Sally Fields, "You like me! You really like me!" outburst.
Another Zombies tune, "She's Not There." Perfect choice for him. Now comes the news that Chris attended Bob Jones University, but dropped out after seven semesters. Hmmm ...
Sang "As Long As He Needs Me," which is British because it's from the Broadway musical "Oliver," which is based on the Charles Dickens novel Oliver Twist. Sort of like not eating french fries to protest France's position on the Iraq war.
So, Stephanie, Phil and Sanjaya in the bottom three and Stephanie singing as the credits roll.