Idolatry

Took a little blog break, but let's go ahead and pick up right where we left off, with some American Idol.

First of all, Gwen Stefani should be a huge step up from Lulu and Peter Noone (it took me a week, but I did learn his name). I might actually pay attention to her performance tonight although most of her advice to the contestants consisted of some variation on, "This is a good song, you idiot. Just sing the notes."

So, on Gwen Stefani night, singers get to choose Gwen Stefani songs, of songs Gwen Stefani likes, or songs she might have heard in the elevator, the grocery store, or her parents' car, which is why the selections ranged from Donna Summer to The Cure to Cyndi Lauper to The Police. And, in what could be a AI first for me, I had heard all of them before.

LaKisha
LaKisha chooses to sing a Donna Summer tune. Wow, I'm shocked! And I was so sure she would try Eddie Murphy's rendition of Roxanne from 48 Hours. Ah, Last Dance. You always knew it was going to be the last song of the junior high dance, so you worked all night just for the chance to cop a feel during the slow part at the beginning of the song. In a similar vein, LaKisha's performance has its thrilling moments, but I didn't find myself reliving them later.

Chris S.
First his attempt at humor falls flat and then his song, Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, is even worse. He is less rhythmic than Barney Clark's original heart and surprisingly nasal. I liked him at the start, but his dwindling confidence is giving off a strong Rex Grossman vibe.

Gina
In a inspired bit of choreography, Gina stands at the microphone and sings, I'll Stand By You, a great rocker chick power ballad. If they remade Say Anything with a gender-reversal twist, this is the song the female version of John Cusack would blast from the boombox underneath his ex's window.

Sanjaya
He is on faya! He will not retaya! Bet against him and he will make you a laya!

Haley
Way, way too much clothing for Haley this week. True Colours was one of her better songs, but really, no one's listening.

Phil
He has always looked and sounded a little creepy to me, so his choice of the stalker classic Every Breath You Take ratcheted that up another notch. But he sang it well, and I think he has gathered some momentum.

Melinda
And it's Donna Summertime again. Heaven Knows done well, but like well done meat, Melinda's performances are, safe, predictable and boring.

Blake
Taking Gwen's advice, Blake shelves the beatbox on Lovesong. Even more surprising, he manages a pretty competent cover of The Cure without any eyeliner whatsoever.

Jordin
Hey Baby is the best Gwen Stefani song of the night, but considering the competition, that's like being the best of the Soviet republics.

Chris R.
Bad times continue for Idol contestants named Chris. When I got a crewcut in college, my friends remarked that the proofs for my yearbook photo looked like a progression of the Wolfman morphing from man into beast. Chris appears to be entering the later stages of that transformation; by tonight, he will be howling his rage at the moon.

Prediction
A doubleshot of Chris in the bottom two and the Wolfman takes a silver bullet to the heart.