Playoff wins are so yummers!

Okay, how 'bout a little Ravens today? I was only able to watch the first and fourth quarter of the game Sunday, but really that was about twice as much time as it took to settle this thing.

About a month ago, I assessed the Ravens' chances of making the playoffs at 25% and their chance to advance at 10%, so kudos to them for coming up real big. Part of my assessment was to recommend that they run more on offense and blitz more ondefense, taking their chances with a weak and injury-addled secondary. Not that this is so original, but they seemed to take those tactics to an extreme on Sunday against the Patriots.

Now, it helps when you score 24 points to your opponent's zero in the first quarter, but even if you look at the playcalling in that period, the ground game predominated. After Ray Rice's astonishing 83-yard touchdown run on the first play from scrimmage, Baltimore ran six straight times before Joe Flacco threw incomplete twice. They scored on the next drive combining four rushes with two pass plays and ended the quarter with two more runs and an incomplete pass. So at the end of the first, the Ravens had rushed 13 times for 112 yards and Flacco was 1-4 for 13 yards to McGahee and had avoided a sack for a one yard rush. That 3-1 run to pass ratio had ballooned to 5-1 by the end of the game, a number I don't think I've ever seen from a team not running the triple option.

On the defensive side, the Ravens beat one of the top QBs in the league for only the second time this season. And, sure, it helped that Tom Brady was hobbling around and didn't have Wes Welker to throw to, but Baltimore's pass rush forced three turnovers in the first quarter on some very unBrady type plays: Terrell Suggs forced a fumble from the blind side on a rush we've seen Brady step up to avoid countless times; then facing a blitz from Jarret Johnson, instead of thowing the ball harmlessly to the sideline, Brady fired it over the middle right to Chris Carr; the third pick came on a nice play by Dominique Foxworth to tip the ball away from a Patriot receiver to Ed Reed. But, that's just unlucky, not unBrady, right? Umm, no. Unlucky and unBrady are actually listed as synonyms in the NFL Style Book.

So, moving ahead, how do the Ravens stack up against Indy Saturday night? Going back to their meeting earlier this season, a 17-15 Colts' win in Baltimore, the Ravens did not sack Peyton Manning but did force two interceptions, and gave up just under 300 yards passing (okay, 299, but still). Playing without Suggs, the defense certainly did its job, and I would be happy with a similar effort Saturday night. On offense, the Ravens must run the ball as well as they have been recently and get into the end zone. Any game where you attempt six field goals is going to be tough to win. Still, it's hard to see them getting stoned on three attempts from the one yard line again.

So, in summary, never count the Ravens out even when the odds seem stacked against them, win streaks don't mean anything, and Ray Rice, Ray Rice, Ray Rice.

Can the Ravens make the playoffs?

Probably not ...
About two weeks ago, I assessed the Ravens' chances to make the playoffs and came up with the astute proclamation of "definitive, absolute probably." A home win over the Steelers and a road loss to the Packers later, I have to downgrade that evaluation to about 25% and if they do get in, their chance to advance is about 10%. Tackling the first part of that statement, the Ravens almost certainly have to win the remaining games on their schedule: Lions, Bears, at Steelers, at Raiders. Since none of those teams have .500 records or upper echelon quarterbacks, that seems entirely possible.

Assuming they win out and go 10-6, the Ravens have to count on either the Jaguars (7-5) or Denver (8-4) to stumble down the stretch. Baltimore wins a tiebreaker with the Broncos, but Jacksonville's 6-2 conference record leaves the Ravens out if both teams end up 10-6 because the Jags AFC record would then be 9-3, which Baltimore can't reach from its current mark of 6-4. Jacksonville has to play Miami, Indianapolis, at New England and at Cleveland. There's also a chance that the Patriots go 10-6, lose the AFC East tiebreaker to the Dolphins but win the tiebreaker with the Ravens because they beat Baltimore earlier this season. And I haven't (and won't) consider the prospect of tiebreakers with the 6-6 Jets or Dolphins.

So, lots of pieces have to fall into place. Tactically speaking, I'd like to see the Ravens run the ball more. A lot more. Flacco is clearly struggling, and if pounding opponents with a running game worked last season, it should work even better with a more experienced Ray Rice and a strong offensive line. If McClain is healthy, give him the ball 10 times. He looked very good against Pittsburgh. Ditto for McGahee, 10 carries. Keeping Ray Rice at his season average of 15 carries per game, that gives you 35 running plays plus the occasional end around to Clayton or Troy Smith, who has carried nothing but a clipboard this season. Granted, that's about 10 more running plays than the Ravens are averaging this season, but it would go a long way towards taking pressure off of Flacco and might help sell some play action passes. Other than that, Flacco needs to take some more shots down the field, to the point where he throws the ball away to the deep sideline instead of quickly checking down to Rice or Heap as he seems to have done more often of late.

On defense, the Ravens have to keep blitzing and live or die with the results. The DBs have to stop grabbing every receiver that runs through their zone. All year long, they have gotten beaten by good QBs (Manning, Palmer, Brady, Favre, Rivers, Rogers) and a few RBs but there's no sense in sitting back and waiting for the punishment. As the injuries mount, it's hard to believe this unit can stop a playoff caliber offense, but, on the other hand, they won't play a playoff caliber team for at least a month.

So, the Ravens are mathematically alive and, in vision tinted by purple-colored glasses, still have a decent shot to be playing in the postseason. So don't pack away the purple camo just yet, but you might have some January weekends available for skiing getaways this year.

Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs!

Now that the fitzfacts is (are?) back, let's ponder an important local sports question:

Q: Are the Ravens a playoff team?

A: Sure, but there are at least 12 teams still in the mix for six AFC spots, and the Ravens are in the middle to bottom of that group, so I wouldn't start brewing that Super Bowl Sunday pot of purple chili just yet. After a blazing 3-0 start, Baltimore has been inconsistent in every phase of the game, so much so that talk radio hosts must be getting a headache from the constant changes of subject from week-to-week. They pass too much, they run too much, they need to blitz more, they need to cover better, they need to stop getting penalties, the kicker must go, Paul Kruger should play, Willis McGahee should play more, it just goes on and on because every week something seems to go wrong, and the Ravens either lose a close game (four of the five losses were by 3 points or fewer), or they don't win as convincingly as they "should" (16-0 over Cleveland, with no first half touchdowns).


Four times, they have scored 30 points or more, and they rank fifth in the conference in ppg. Six times, they've held opponents under 20, and they rank sixth in the AFC in that category. But again, the inconsistency makes it very difficult to truly assess their chances and impossible to predict.


Fortunately, every other team in the conference, except the 10-0 Colts, has had similar issues. In the AFC North, the Bengals looked fearsome early on but fell apart against the hapless Raiders last week. The Steelers have weathered some tough injuries and may have quarterback problems, but they couldn't stop the Browns last week, whom the Ravens have beaten twice by a total score of 50-3.


In the East, New England's defense is going to have to prove themselves now that their coach exposed his lack of confidence in that unit against the Colts. At 5-5, Miami's best win is against the 4-6 Jets, and I don't have much faith that Rex Ryan getting more involved in the Jets' offense is going to help that team's production.

Out West, Denver's 6-0 start is in ashes, while San Diego appears poised to take the division. The Chargers are easily the best team the Ravens have beaten this year, and that game came down to the final play.

In the South, the Colts have distanced themselves from the stumbling Texans, who have lost two straight and play at Indy next. Jacksonville looks solid at 6-4, but they lost to Seattle and Tennessee, neither of who has a winning record. Speaking of the Titans, Vince Young has revived both his team and his career in the last month, but the 0-6 hole they dug themselves makes it hard to believe they can get to the playoffs.

So, the bottom line is that the Ravens have lost five games to four teams that are winning their respective divisions. Except for the game at Cincinnati, every contest has been close, so there's no reason to think they can't compete against any team they play. Taking that line of thinking (I won't call it logic) one step further, they certainly can win enough games to get to the playoffs, and if they do get there, they should have a good shot to advance.

So the answer is a definitive, absolute probably.

The Ravens: They're real, and they're spectacular!

I don't often compare professional football teams to women's bodies, but weren't we all rubbing our eyes in disbelief as the Baltimore Ravens mauled the Cleveland Browns 34-3 on Sunday? After scoring an historic 69 points in the first two weeks of the season, Baltimore went out and did it again, and this time the defense joined the offense in totally dominating an opponent.

A few moments from the game stood out as to how completely the Ravens controlled the game from start to finish. Leading 27-3, Baltimore's first possession of the fourth quarter began at their own 30 yard line. In this situation, conventional wisdom calls for a time-consuming, run-oriented scoring drive, but the Ravens ran six straight pass plays and drove to the Cleveland 13. When they finally changed tactics and ran the ball, Willis McGahee fumbled, but it speaks volumes about John Harbaugh's confidence in his defense and Joe Flacco's ability that he went with the passing game at this point in the game.

Also of note, on the Ravens' three rushing touchdowns, McGahee and Ray Rice reached the endzone standing, nearly unimpeded by the Browns' defense, which crumpled under Baltimore's O-line and failed to pursue, leaving wide lanes to the outside.

Going into this game, the Ravens were already ranked number one in Sports Illustrated's Power Ratings, and this morning Bob Ryan picked them to face the Giants in the Super Bowl. Now, I am as excited as anyone about this team's potential, but let's take a look at the other side of the coin, just for fun.

First of all, the Browns are terrible. Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson were so awful, they might as well have had Brady Anderson playing quarterback on Sunday. Cleveland crossed midfield just one time in the first half and only got as far as the 44-yard line, and the second half featured three interceptions. To be fair, all three of the Browns' losses have come at the hands of undefeated teams; to be unfair, none of them have been close.

Now, back to the Ravens. They now have a dominant win over a vastly inferior team, a close win on the road against a playoff caliber team (San Diego), and a closer than the final score (38-24) win against a mediocre-at-best winless team (Kansas City). The defense looked very good last time out, but there would have been much hand-wringing if it had continued in the vein it as heading after the first two weeks.

So the true test comes now in the three weeks leading up to the bye in Week 7. The Ravens play at New England and Minnesota, with a home game against the resurgent Bengals. If they drop two or more of those games, suddenly they are just another team in the playoff hunt, with abundant question marks. Two wins keeps them in solid position atop the division, especially if they beat the Bengals. Three wins and we'll get two weeks of stories about the '72 Dolphins, the 2007 Patriots, and the great Colts teams of Baltimore.

Finally, about today's post title and accompanying photo. In 1993, Teri Hatcher was a modestly successful working actress whose career was highlighted by a recurring role as "Penny Parker" on the TV show "MacGyver." But after being cast as Sidra, Jerry Seinfeld's naturally and generously endowed girlfriend, she secured the role of Superman's girlfriend in the hit series, "Lois and Clark," and was catapulted to stardom as Susan Mayer in "Desperate Housewives." Now, you could argue that her success came as a result of talent and hard work, and I can't dispute that, but in just about any job search, you have to be able to get the attention of a prospective employer, and in a place like Hollywood, being known as the woman who embodied, "they're real and they're spectacular" probably counts for something. Taking nothing away from Teri Hatcher, some small percentage of her earnings should probably be directed toward Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, or Peter Mehlman, all of whom received writing credit for that episode.

Football, movies, what else is there?

The Baltimore Ravens' defense went to such an extreme of the "bend but don't break" cliche Sunday, I felt like had tuned into an Advanced Pilates class on the Fitness Channel instead of an NFL game on NBC. The first four times the San Diego Chargers advanced inside the Ravens' 20-yard line, Baltimore tightened up and forced them to bring in kicker Nate Kaeding and settle for three points instead of six. San Diego's fifth foray into the red zone came to a dramatic, violent halt thanks to Ray Lewis, who crushed Darren Sproles (and the Chargers' last chance) on fourth down with a hit I haven't seen him make since taking on a door.

It was the kind of play that usually comes at the end of a Hollywood 97-minute macho melodrama about a group of scrappy lovable underdogs coming together to surmount internal and external obstacles to emerge victorious as champions. More on sports cinema magic later, but even though this was only the second game of the season, it was a cathartic, satisfying ending to a very entertaining game - for Ravens' fans anyway. I'm sure most coaches want to end a game with their offense grinding out a clock-killing drive while protecting at least a 10-point lead, but I'm equally sure most fans get greater enjoyment from a big play that delivers a win that was anything but certain prior to that moment. For many football teams, that play is a long touchdown pass, but for Ravens' fans, that play is more often made by the defense, and when Ray Lewis makes the game ender, well, you might as well have ripped a page out of a The Official Ravens Roost Handbook. That's the play that gets you out of your seat, causes hand-blisteringly intense high-fives and the occasional fist-pumping shoulder injury.

The Ravens went to San Diego as three-point underdogs, and while it's still early, this is a significant win for a team that has the Super Bowl in its sites. Certainly the Chargers have to be considered an upper-tier AFC team, so beating them on the road is a bit of a big deal, even when you factor in the absence of LaDainian Tomlinson and assorted offensive and defensive linemen due to injuries.

And of course Charger coach Norv Turner's ineptitude is always worth a few opportunities for the opponent. He doesn't give away the game, but he does leave it dangling in plain view. Two cases in point: at the end of the first half, he sent the field goal unit onto the field on third down with ten seconds left on the clock instead of trusting his veteran QB to either make a play or throw incomplete and leave time for the kicker. And his final call, on 4th and 2, was a handoff to Sproles, when his team had a total of 53 rushing yards and 463 receiving yards and distinct physical mismatches at wide receiver. Hard to argue that he didn't deserve the result.

The Ravens have now scored 69 points in their first two games, their highest in the first two games since they came to Baltimore. That's a completely irrelevant bit of trivia, so how about another one? The previous high was 55 points, which they scored in 2006 when they won the division and also in 2000, when, hello, they won the Super Bowl. So that's a fun, meaningless trend I'll be tracking until it becomes statistically anomalous.

For me the interesting thing about all these points is that the defense has scored none of them. Don't get me wrong, the defense has been pretty good. Most of the points in the Chiefs game came as a result of special teams and offensive miscues, but the Raven's defense of the past several years has been good for seven to ten points per game. Could be the loss of Rex Ryan as coordinator (and the departure of Bart Scott and Jim Leonhard), could just be coincidence, but the offense's ascent has come at the same time as a toning down of the defensive ferocity. Still, the results are there.

That's enough Ravens for today. Back to the movie subplot I mentioned earlier. Over the weekend, while my younger son was at a friend's house, the rest of us settled in for a nice wholesome family movie. Unfortunately, when you have a 12-year old boy in the house, it's sometimes challenging to find an agreeable selection, so eventually we gave up and chose something called "The Comebacks," a spoof of sports movies that earned every bit of its' PG-13 rating. There's no way I can recommend this fine film. It's so bad, the only suspense is in trying to figure out which movie or cliche was being mocked all the while cringing at the bombardment of sex jokes and racial stereotypes. Still, we all laughed and were thankful that it cost only $2.99.

The weekend's other movie moment came when I stumbled on the original "Bad News Bears." This one I can watch every time it's on, as opposed to the 2005 remake which I won't even dignify with a link. The team cheats, they lose, they exemplify poor sportsmanship and disrespect authority, their opponents and the game. The only concession to Hollywood sports mythology is that they come together as a team. They also have a lot of fun. I'll watch it every time.

Whacko for Flacco!

Attention Greater Baltimore sporting goods retailers: you might want to increase your Joe Flacco jersey sales orders. The rookie quarterback didn't complete a pass longer than 15 yards, but he made a powerful love connection with the fans at M&T Bank Stadium with his poised play in the Ravens' 17-10 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals yesterday. The "Let's go, Flacco!" cheer could be heard throughout the game, but when the Ravens' first round draft choice rumbled 38 yards for a third quarter touchdown, the crowd noise nearly drowned out the radio broadcast (so did my car horn honking). For all the fuss about the Flacco, though, the story of this game was told in the trenches.

Baltimore dominated the line of scrimmage so completely in the second half that the Ravens held the ball for 23:43 to the Bengals' 6:17. And that's not because of Cincy's quick strike offense; the results of the visitors' four second-half offensive possessions were: three and out, turnover on downs at the Ravens' 36 yard line, three and out, and turnover on downs at the Ravens' 26. Their only touchdown of the day came on a 65-yard fumble recovery by Johnathan Joseph. The next time the Bengals come to Baltimore, Marvin Lewis might want to remind his offense where the end zone is because the Cincinnati O hasn't scored a TD at M&T since 2006.

On offense, the Ravens stuck to a ground attack that churned out 226 yards on 46 carries. The sizzle came from Flacco's bootleg jaunt and a double-reverse by Mark Clayton that went for a 42 yard touchdown, but the steak was fullback Le'Ron McClain (19 carries for 86 yards and rookie tailback Ray Rice (22 for 64). Flacco was never sacked as he completed 15 of 29 passes and if he was pressured, he didn't seem flustered. Cincinnati is not known for defensive prowess, but Baltimore had a solid day and the imminent return of Willis McGahee along with improvement from Flacco bodes well for this unit.

Now, back to those jerseys. In a completely unofficial and unscientific poll, I did a quick phone survey of Baltimore area sporting goods retailers this morning. Shenk and Tittle in White Marsh seemed to be most on the ball with about 180 Flacco jerseys in stock and ready to move. Their preseason top seller was a surprise to me: Matt Stover. Flacco got hot when he was named as the starter and apparently, Ray Rice will be in demand once it becomes available. Modells in Reiserstown was out of stock in Flacco adult sizes but had plenty for kids. Champs in Eastpoint only had 10 in stock but expected them to go quickly, outselling previous favorites Ed Reed and Todd Heap. Sports Authority in Glen Burnie had about 50 and would be increasing its monthly order as Flacco overtook Ray Lewis, Stover, Kelly Gregg(?) and Heap. Finally, Dick's Sporting Goods' website lists the Flacco alternate black jersey as its top selling Ravens item.

Now, two names in the previous paragraph jump out at me: Matt Stover and Kelly Gregg. Stover has longevity (he's the only Cleveland Brown veteran on the team) consistent productivity and he is well-known as a good guy in the community, but how many NFL teams have the kicker as one of their top-selling jerseys? According to two salespeople I spoke with, Stover is hard to find, so perhaps its rarity makes it more desirable. As for Gregg, well, he was the fourth-leading tackler on the defense last year and he was tied or second in sacks with three. Hmm, I'm sure I'm missing something.

In any case, I'll be checking back with those stores in the coming weeks to track the Flacco sales. The Ravens' next home game is in two weeks against the Browns. Expect to see an influx of Flacco.

Stratofanatics

Well, that was a game worth staying up for, wasn't it? And as hard as I was rooting for the Ravens, I can't deny that the Patriots earned the win. For every close call that went against Baltimore (Gaffney's winning TD, Ryan's illegal timeout, turnover on downs nullified by false start), they still had plenty of opportunities to win the game. If Ed Reed didn't fumble after a great interception return, if any of the Ravens' defenders picked off the ball that Ray Lewis tipped 20 feet in the air, if Baltimore got just one first down in the fourth quarter .... still, it's hard for me to remember beign so satisfied that my team played so well and came away with a loss. The defense pressured Brady ferociously, Willis McGahee had his best day as a Raven behind an offensive line that gave up no sacks (my personal favorite was the play where McGahee took a short pass and juked the NE defender so badly he was able to use him as a blocker), Kyle Boller outplayed Tom Brady for 3 quarters and even Yamon Figurs chipped in a nice punt return late in the game. Eventually, though, the Ravens succumbed to one of the great cliches of football. For three quarters, they kept Brady, Moss, & Co. off the field; the Pats had only six possessions in the first three periods, but they had four in the fourth. And so again, a one team irrationally uplifts the hearts and spirits of its fans while the other crushes those of its own in the brutal mortar and pestle of bitter defeat.

It was a doubly entertaining evening for me because I also watched the first half of the Denver-Green Bay game. You missed this one? Denver played Oakland on Sunday and Green Bay lost to Dallas last Thursday, you say? Duh, this was the 1996 Broncos against the Packers. Favre vs. Elway, Holmgen matching wits with Reeves, Lambeau Leap against Mile High Magic. Nope, not on ESPN Classic. Not Madden retro either. This epic battle, which ended in a 10-0 halftime score in favor of Denver was a Stratomatic battle between my sons.

Not familiar with Stratomatic Football? That's because you are a normal human being, with a healthy diversity of cultural interests, but if you are an 8 or 10-year old boy who feverishly collects sports jerseys and posters, fills entire notebooks with statistics of Hall of Fame inductees, and/or has already projected the entire 2008 NCAA Basketball Tournament (not just the field either, the complete results as well), Stratomatic is a gift directly from the Mount Olympus of sports gaming.

Part Madden, part Fantasy, Stratomatic is a board game that allows players to simulate games, calling offensive and defensive plays with results derived from percentages based on actual statistics from the previous season. Players can run, pass, score touchdowns, be penalized and even get injured. If it still sounds a bit dry for your tastes, you should see how feisty my sons get while playing. Then again, in our house, most board games are contact sports.

Last night was only the second time they played Stratomatic Football, but I foresee many hours spent rolling dice and gleefully checking cards and charts for results. How can I be so sure? Because I watched them play Stratomatic Baseball all summer, including a marathon week at the beach where nearly every waking minute in the house was spent at the gaming table, trying to determine whether or not the 2006 season was a statistical anomaly.

Wait a minute, I hear you saying, there's Stratomatic Baseball as well? Yep, and Hockey and Basketball and College Football, too.

So how did we acquire this blessing/curse? Well, it just so happens that about 22 years ago, I myself sat down with a college roommate and rolled the dice to see if the Redskins of John Riggins and Joe Washington could beat the Raiders in Super Bowl XVIII with me calling the plays this time (obviously, Rocket Screen was not in my playbook). Many epic battles ensued, but I have to say, I have not played (and rarely discussed in public) Stratomatic since graduating from college.

Fast forward to March, 2007, and this same college roommate bestowed a gift of the 1992 Stratomatic Baseball game on my boys. Note that the box had never been opened; he just happened to have it lying around, untouched, for 15 years. Never mind that many of the players in this game had retired before my sons were born, they took to it right away. Well, almost right away. There was that nasty incident where the Mike Mussina card was crumpled and nearly destroyed after a disastrous two innnings (my younger son has a pretty quick hook).

Naturally, I informed my friend how immensely the boys were enjoying his gift; he was so pleased to find some new converts that the 2006 baseball cards arrived in the mail the next week. Last weekend, we had another visit with my buddy, ostensibly to meet his new son, but my guys had a different agenda.

"Do you have any other Stratomatic games?"

"It just so happens I have a 1996 football game right here."

(Me) "We wouldn't want to take your game."

"Oh, don't worry. I've got at least three others in storage."

It seems appropriate to close this entry by noting that that this is a family of three living in a two-bedroom apartment in New York City. Space comes at quite a premium in the Big Apple, so it's not surprising that he might have a storage locker somewhere. Yes, he could store the games at his brother's house in New Jersey, but he doesn't trust his sister-in-law not to throw them away.

Bad to worse to worser

Monday Morning Quick Quiz
What's worse than watching your favorite football team embarrass itself on Monday Night Football?

Paying money to see it live.

That's right, yesterday was the annual pilgrimage to M&T Bank Stadium for the Fitzgerald men to bond over the thrilling atmosphere of Ravens' football. While I am unwilling to commit the time, money or emotion to become a season-ticket holder, I do enjoy taking the boys to see at least one game each year. We started this tradition two years ago, watching a relatively easy win over the Texans in an unremarkable season and continued it last year at a thrilling comeback over the Chargers to send the home team to 4-0. Those were good days.

Before the 2007 season began, I took a look at the home slate, compared it to the soccer, swimming and family outing schedules and quickly deduced that Cincinnati would be the game. Day game, division rival, reasonably good chance of winning, all the important criteria. So I called my local ticket broker, took some equity out of the house, and secured three lower level seats.

Even better, the boys had a few friends going the game, and we were invited to tailgate just a short walk from the stadium. Really, the setting could not have been better. Crisp, sunny day, pulled pork sandwiches, delightful seleciton of microbrews, free parking and plenty of room to toss the ball with the kids.

And then the game started. For the second straight week, Steve McNair displayed a Hall of Fame level of ineptitude. He had some help in the form of dropped passes, but he still gets the lion's share of the blame as far as I can see. If you chart the balls he throws, there is a wedge of emptiness emanating from McNair at its point that reaches the sideline about 12 yards downfield. Swing pass, quick slant, five-yard out, six-yard curl, flanker screen, that's about it. Nothing over the middle, nothing down the field, unless you count balls thrown five yards over the head of the trainers on the sideline.

And his physical erosion is having a karmic effect on the team as well. His two fumbles (one just slipped out of his hand) were bad plays, but he made a decent throw to Todd Heap in the end zone that got tipped for an interception. And when the kick return team let a short kick bounce at the 15, naturally the Bengals recovered.

The defense played like heroes, keeping the Bengals out of the end zone all day. Ed Reed absolutely destroyed Rudy Johnson on a key third down play at the goal line when the score was still close. Carson Palmer had a pretty good day at the Ravens' expense, but considering that both starting cornerbacks were out and a third got hurt during the game, it could have been a lot worse.

My eight year old summed it up with about five minutes left. "Can we please just go? I can't take any more of this fumble tragedy!"

Ravens Rot

I have never seen a team that I was cheering for play a worse football game than the Ravens played last night. The Redskins' 38-9 loss to the Raiders in the Super Bowl has now officially been displaced. Considering that Pittsburgh was up 35-0 in the first half, this was beyond futility. The Ravens were so bad that Notre Dame is trying to get them on their schedule in Navy's slot.

The whole team was awful, but Steve McNair deserves special attention for his horrendous performance. As bad as his stats were (13-22, 63 yards, 0 TDs, 1 INT, 2 fumbles), they don't tell the whole horrific story. He threw more balls in the dirt than a pitcher with two strikes on Barry Bonds. The one ball I remember him throwing downfield was a beautiful spiral into the chest of Pittsburgh defender James Harrison. Harrison also recovered McNair's fumble in the Raven's opening drive. Maybe Baltimore should trade for Harrison and convert him to wideout since he and McNair seem to have pretty effective chemistry. McNair was sacked six times, so obviously his protection was pretty bad, but he held the ball too long, threw way too many short passes, and got called for intentional grounding. He should have gotten called twice, but the officials must have been embarrassed for him. At one point, he completed passes on first and second down and the Ravens still faced third and two. When Brian Billick finally went to Kyle Boller, Boller's first pass sailed 10 yards past his intended receiver, who apparently forgot that pass plays over 15 yards were still in the gameplan.

So, it seems pretty clear that it's time to close the book on the McNair era in Baltimore. Yes, he was once a great QB, and last year, he was exactly what the Ravens needed. But he had three weeks of rest to heal and prepare for last night's game, and yet halfway through the first half he didn't look a deer in the headlights so much as a deer tied to the hood. Keeping him behind such a young offensive line is not just poor judgment, it borders on criminal negligence. Just ask Redskins fans how quicky Marc Brunell deteriorated.

And yet, Kyle Boller is not the answer either, which makes Boller's contract extension a few weeks ago completely mystifying. Maybe Baltimore is planning on putting together another defense like they had last year or during the Super Bowl season. That's really the only way this "plan" makes any sense.

Now, I am an optimist; I had the Ravens winning it all halfway through last season and stuck to that right up to their loss to the Colts in the playoffs. So let's put on the seriously purple-tinted shades for a minute. Let's say you win your next two at home against Cincinnati and Cleveland and manage to knock off San Diego (which really could happen unless they get smart and fire Norv Turner first). Forget about New England and Indianapolis, but then you are left with Miami, who stinks worse than the jack-o-lanterns still sitting on my front stoop, Seattle, who really never recovered from losing the Super Bowl, and finish with Pittsburgh, and don't tell me the Ravens won't be fired up for that one! See how easy this is? Now, you're 10-6 and marching into the playoffs when Peyton Manning and Tom Brady suffer a horrible accident while filming a Miller Lite All-Stars reunion commercial and suddenly it's all there for the taking.

Do I believe this will happen? Not a chance. I'm just waiting for college basketball to start.

Pigskin Perambulations

So how many times would the Giants have sacked Donovan McNabb if he were a white quarterback?

I don't know who was calling the Cardinals-Steelers game, but Seinfeld fans everywhere had to cringe a little when the announcer called Arizona coach Ken Whisenhunt "the Master of his Domain."

Wow, if Tom Brady and Randy Moss were in elementary school together, all the other kids would complain that they never got the ball until finally the principal would declare a moratorium on all competitive sports at recess.

Anyway, almost a month ago, after the opening weekend, the AFC North was declared a dogfight between the Ravens and the Bengals, with Baltimore getting the nod because they had lost a close game on the road, and, if they could just limit the turnovers, no one in the division could stop them. The Browns were the worst team ever seen in the NFL, Brady Quinn would be starting in a matter of hours, but not before Romeo Crennel was fired. And Pittsburgh? No, that 34-7 win over Cleveland had to be discounted (you know, because the Browns couldn't win on a Friday night in Texas).

So, taking a look at the standings today, we find the Steelers in first with a 3-1 record and the highest rated offense and defense (in terms of scoring) in the division. The Browns are in second at 2-2, courtesy of an easy win at home against Baltimore over the weekend. Cleveland's 2-2 looks a lot better than the Ravens' 2-2, though, as Baltimore's frustrating, endless quest for offensive consistency becomes more urgent with the faltering of the defense for at least one quarter every game. And who is in last? Why, it's the Bengals! Led by Carson, Chad and TJ, the Bengals are just a Lance away from being able to form their own boy band, which is good because if they don't get their act together soon, it will be "Bye Bye Bye."

Last year, somewhere around midseason, I declared that the Ravens would go to the Super Bowl, and probably win it. It was an optimistic, but defensible, prediction, shredded by a superb performance by Peyton Manning and the Colts in the playoffs. You will hear no such predictions from me this year. At the start of the season, you could argue that they might be as good as they were last year: they could withstand the loss of Adalius Thomas, Willis McGahee was an upgrade over Jamal Lewis, Steve McNair would be better in his second year in Brian Billick's system, they always seem to draft players who are ready to make an impact quickly.

Four weeks later, the Ravens have suffered more injuries than Jaime Sommers and can only hope they don't bleed out before they get to their bye week. Jonathan Ogden might as well have retired in the offseason, McNair looks so fragile he has a special bubble-wrap seat on the team plane, and five (five!) of the team's receivers and tight ends showed up as "probable" on the injury report for this weekend's game at San Francisco. On defense, they clearly miss Trevor Pryce (whom I saw at Cheeburger Cheeburger this weekend. He was eating with his family, so we left him alone. Anybody trying to have a meal with three young children really doesn't need any additional distractions. I'm guessing he went for the Famous Pounder). The much-maligned Samari Rolle could be back at corner this weekend, news that falls into the "not good, not bad, just different" category. Still, the memory of a swaggering 2006 defense that seemed as likely to score as many of the offenses it faced is fading faster than Wayne Newton's odds to win "Dancing with the Stars."

Can they win the next three and get to the bye 5-2? Sure! Can they lose them? Absolutely! Can they arrive at December in contention for the playoffs only to be stomped by the Patriots and Colts? Don't see why not!

So do I have a prediction for Ravens' fans? You betcha! In the words of Clubber Lang, "Pain!"

Near Occasion of Cardinal Sin

Okay, already a day late on the start to the week, so let's begin with a nice and easy warmup on the home team Baltimore Ravens. Nothing too strenuous, wouldn't want to pull anything.

Trailing Baltimore 20-6 in the third quarter, Arizona coach Ken Whisenhunt replaces second-year starter Matt Leinart with former NFL MVP Kurt Warner. Warner responds by leading his team to three scoring drives and a 23-23 tie with 3:43 to play in the game. Leinart uses his sideline time wisely as the cameras catch him fixing his hair just so in front of the cooling fans. Doesn't he know he's supposed to put on a baseball cap and headset and grab a clipboard?

Veteran coach and offensive genius Brian Billick counters Whisenhunt's move by inserting Kyle Boller into the game for the Ravens' first possession of the fourth quarter. Weren't expecting that, were you? Of course not. Only a master of gamesmanship and sports psychology could understand the logic of removing a QB who had completed 20-27 passes for one touchdown and no interceptions. But genius cannot be explained and often cannot be appreciated.

Boller quickly makes two bad throws and the Ravens' offense heads back to the bench after a three and out. His second effort starts out better with a couple long passes to get into field goal range, but consecutive sacks force the Ravens to punt. Finally, on Baltimore's last possession, the home team drives back into field goal range again (thanks in large part to an unnecessary roughness penalty on the Cardinals), and ever-steady Matt Stover boots the gamewinner home.

This might be a good time to point out that, for all his flaws, Steve McNair is supposed to be a great clutch player. He's the guy who led the final scoring drive against San Diego last season, to name one. Over and over, we hear how calm and poised he is. I can almost understand Billick's decision to give Boller a series or two to give McNair a rest and to show some appreciation for the job Boller did last week as the starter. But once the Cardinals rolled through the defense like Kramer at the dojo, you might want to reconsider.

The quarterback shuffles were fun and distracting, but the real story of this game and season is the Ravens' defense. For two straight weeks, we have seen fourth quarter collapses just when this unit should come up with a big sack or turnover to turn out the lights. Rex Ryan's rep as a defensive guru might start to ring as hollow as Billick's offensive field cred. Except that he's not exactly firing the same caliber weapon he was last season.

Some have pointed out the injury to Trevor Pryce, but the simple fact is that Baltimore misses Adalius Thomas more than most people seem willing to admit. Thomas was the best player on the team last year and while Ed Reed can make some great plays and Ray Lewis is the emotional leader, nobody on this defense has the opposing offensive coordinator really worried the way Thomas did last year.

On the bright side, the Ravens are winning the games they are supposed to win. Yamon Figurs jumped right in for BJ Sams with a touchdown return. But what looked like a break in the schedule suddenly seems more stressful than Baltimore fans might have expected. Road games at Cleveland and San Francisco will show whether the Ravens are ready to be contenders or just really good spoilers.

That's So Ravens

For 30 minutes yesterday, the second Kyle Boller era sparkled brighter than the sunshine glinting off the waters of Baltimore's Inner Harbor. The halftime score (17-3) and Boller's line (17-24, 125 yards, 2 touchdowns, 0 sacks, 0 penalties, 0 interceptions) read as if Brian Billick had written them himself. The Ravens' defense had its foot on the throat of the Jets' offense with two sacks of New York's rookie quarterback and numerous plays in the offensive backfield.


But instead of crushing the visitors' windpipe in the third, Baltimore toyed with its prey, and the emotions of its fans. The conservative passing game sputtered, and the defense went from poundcake to pattycake. Still, a field goal at the start of the fourth built the lead to 20-3, normally more than enough cushion for football fans to rest comfortably. This is the perfect scenario for lining up your power back behind your fullback and your two tight ends and crushing the spirit of your opposition as the clock ticks away. Back in the 1980s, the Redskins called this the Riggo drill although John Riggins said he never liked it much. Probably because he spent a lot of Mondays in traction.

Except that the Ravens let Jamal Lewis go to the Browns in the offseason, and his replacement, Willis McGahee, waits for holes to open rather than lowering his shoulder and knocking the defense back for a few extra yards. Not that I'd rather have Lewis. McGahee rushed for 97 yards and showed his versatility catching a swing pass for Baltimore's second touchdown. But the injury to Jonathan Ogden and the resulting youth of the offensive line showed that this group is not quite ready to close out a game. So instead, the Jets scored 10 points on their first two possessions of the final period and had Ravens' fans holding their breath until Ray Lewis intercepted a Kellen Clemens pass in the end zone with about a minute to play.

I attended a game much like this one last season where the Ravens scored quickly and built a lead against the Bengals. The game should have been over midway through the third but some misplays and clock mismanagement and a sudden resurrection of Cincinnati's offense left fans grumbling as they filed out.

So, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Take the win, enjoy the solid, controlled performance by Boller, the timely defense, and hope that McGahee and the offensive line are more in sync as the season goes on. Forget about the Ravens being in the same class as the Patriots and the Colts for now, though. Fortunately, the schedule breaks nicely for a team that is still getting its act together. With any luck, the Ravens roll into the bye week with only two losses and get rested for a visit to Pittsburgh, a home rematch with Cincy and the San Diego, New England, and Indy troika of terror.

Me, I'm hoping we'll have a bona fide quarterback controversy by then.

Tuesday Treacle

Gil's Gone Wild!
Gilbert Arenas finally brought his hit parade home yesterday with a 51-point outburst at the Verizon Center, including a three-pointer at the buzzer for a 114-111 win over the Utah Jazz. It was Arenas' third 50+ game this season but his first on the Wizards' homecourt and it ties the arena scoring record set by Michael Jordan in 2001. I am starting to get the feeling that iyou'd feel cheated if you bought a ticket to see Arenas play and he scored less than 40. And I can't believe that the Verizon Center is not sold out every game .

Tomlinson's Tantrum

So LaDainian Tomlinson says that the Patriots showed no class when they imitated Shawne Merriman's sack dance on the Chargers' midfield logo at the end of Sunday's playoff game? Really? Would he have preferred that they come up with their own original choreography? Was that really a story on SportsCenter or did I accidently switch over to "Bring it On" on the USA Network? I just can't believe that a professional football player, who just had one of the best seasons in the history of the game, cares about the dancing that much. I guess we'll be seeing Tomlinson, Merriman and Emmett Smith in "Stomp the Yard, Part 2." I wish somebody would sit these guys down with Chuck Bednarik or Art Donovan to learn what's important to a real football player, although I guess Rosie Grier might have a different opinion.

Global Boring

Did you watch the Golden Globe Awards last night? Yeah, me neither. Okay, I tuned in for about five minutes, and here's what I learned: the star of Ugly Betty, which won for Best TV Comedy, is not really ugly. I know, I know, shocking. I've never seen the show, but I can't believe any show on TV is funnier than "The Office." The brief clip they showed last night where Steve Carell affirms his racial sensitivity by comparing his respect for Jesus Christ and Apollo Creed was ten times funnier than the clip of Ugly Betty walking into a plate-glass wall. Stupid politically correct voters.

Also, Annette Benning is aging much better than Warren Beatty. I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise considering that she is more than ten years younger than he. This was the segment that caused me to begin the channel surf. I mean, I am sure that Tom Hanks meant well in his tribute to Beatty, and he is just so gosh-darn earnest, but this was his worst performance since Bonfire of the Vanities, with none of the quirky charm of Joe Versus the Volcano.

Neuheisel New Hire
Baltimore Ravens' coach Brian Billick announced that he has promoted quarterbacks coach Rick Neuheisel to offensive coordinator. I have no idea how this will affect the team, but here is what I know about Neuheisel: he was a success at Colorado, where kept his players happy with inner-tubing trips and his guitar-playing antics, but he left for the big bucks at the University of Washington and left a mild stench of NCAA violations at Boulder. He was also successful at Washington, but was fired after he won a big-money ($5,000) NCAA basketball pool. He then sued UW and the NCAA for wrongful termination and won $4.5 million. Reports stated that Neuheisel shed a few tears on the stand during his testimony. Now, I think it's alright to cry (see Rosie Grier link above) during a multimillion dollar trial, but only if you're the guy who has to pay.