Gilbert's Got a Gun

When Gilbert Arenas first became a Washington Wizard in 2003, I had very little knowledge of him as a player and less as a person. As his star rose so explosively over the next few years, I came to admire and enjoy his game while also being entertained by his personality. I rooted for him to come back from his injuries and bring some success to the Wizards, for my own benefit but mostly so that my kids would have a team to root for like I did for the Bullets in their brief heyday. Now, I kinda wish they hadn't paid any attention to the Wiz. In any case, here are my thoughts (read/sing this one aloud in your best Steven Tyler voice).

Gilbert's Got a Gun

Gilbert's got a gun
Gilbert's got a gun
He says it's just for fun
Not so says Crittenton
What did Javaris do?
Did he beat aces over twos?

But Gilbert hasn't been arrested
Instead he played in last night's game
Suspension was a comin'
Now that Gilbert's got a gun
The Wiz ain't never gonna be the same

Gilbert's got a gun
Not DeShawn Stevenson
His Twitter page is overrun
Pay lawyers' work's undone
Are the stories all untrue?
Will the fans start to boo?

Said he tried to protect his baby
The man's got to be insane
It's an unforgiveable blunder
Trade him to the Thunder
The Knicks, the Nets or the Ukraine

Gilbert's got a gun
His time in DC's done
Make him a Phoenix Sun
I'd rather have Attila the Hun
What will David Stern do?
Will we bid Gilbert adieu?


The whole thing makes me queasy
We're lucky someone wasn't slain
Don't know which story to believe in
But no matter how it ends up
We'll still tune in and watch the game

Suns Shine, Wizards Whipped

Well, I found myself all alone in the basement with the Wizards once the Suns went up 41-23 in the first quarter last night. Not even the dog wanted to watch as the rest of the family abandoned me for Randy, Paula and Simon. Just me and several baskets of clean laundry to fold - an activity that can be quite therapeutic when you are watching your favorite team get the Charlie Watts treatment.

Actually, that's not quite fair. The Doc did wander down at one point, around halftime. Coincidentally, at that moment, some guy named Sundance was wowing the Idol judges. And then we switched back to the game and watched the Suns dance all over the Wiz.

Yup, Phoenix really showed Washington what an aberration the Wizards' win in Arizona was. They made six three-pointers in the first quarter and stretched the lead as high as 29 in the second. The Wizards, meanwhile, got off to a slow start, especially Gilbert Arenas, who missed six of his first seven shots. He then made his next four, including two treys, but at the half, the Suns led 76-51 and the only suspense was whether they could score 150.

Caron Butler led a third quarter effort with two powerful dunks bracketing a three point play that got the home crowd riled up and the Wizards within 15, but two quick Phoenix baskets by Shawn Marion quashed any hope of a comeback. In the fourth, it was Antonio Daniels who sparked the Wiz to cut the margin to 13, but again the Suns calmly executed their passing offense to perfection. In some games, teams make a big comeback, only to run out of time at the end. This was not one of those games. You got the impression that Phoenix would have turned back every Washington rally for the rest of the week.

Steve Nash's two MVP awards have correctly bestowed the credit where it is due. Amare Stoudamire was in foul trouble, personal and technical, that limited his minutes, and while Marion and Leandro Barbosa are marvelous basketball players, Nash puts this team way, way over the top. He is never hurried, never panicked, the ball goes exactly where he wants it to go, and he rarely chooses to put it in the wrong hands. He doesn't scare you as a defender, but he puts pressure on your offense to score because you know he is coming to get his two or three at the other end after your team is finished. A British soccer coach I know once described his own diminutive star player as a "wee magic man," and it was this thought that kept coming back to me as Nash and the ball would disappear into a crowd of players and the ball would reappear in the hands of a wide open Sun for an easy bucket.

So,the Wizards reign as Eastern Conference leaders ended quietly. They have the chance to seize it right back with home-and-home against Detroit and a trip to Boston coming up. For no good reason at all, I like their chances.

Tuesday Treacle

Gil's Gone Wild!
Gilbert Arenas finally brought his hit parade home yesterday with a 51-point outburst at the Verizon Center, including a three-pointer at the buzzer for a 114-111 win over the Utah Jazz. It was Arenas' third 50+ game this season but his first on the Wizards' homecourt and it ties the arena scoring record set by Michael Jordan in 2001. I am starting to get the feeling that iyou'd feel cheated if you bought a ticket to see Arenas play and he scored less than 40. And I can't believe that the Verizon Center is not sold out every game .

Tomlinson's Tantrum

So LaDainian Tomlinson says that the Patriots showed no class when they imitated Shawne Merriman's sack dance on the Chargers' midfield logo at the end of Sunday's playoff game? Really? Would he have preferred that they come up with their own original choreography? Was that really a story on SportsCenter or did I accidently switch over to "Bring it On" on the USA Network? I just can't believe that a professional football player, who just had one of the best seasons in the history of the game, cares about the dancing that much. I guess we'll be seeing Tomlinson, Merriman and Emmett Smith in "Stomp the Yard, Part 2." I wish somebody would sit these guys down with Chuck Bednarik or Art Donovan to learn what's important to a real football player, although I guess Rosie Grier might have a different opinion.

Global Boring

Did you watch the Golden Globe Awards last night? Yeah, me neither. Okay, I tuned in for about five minutes, and here's what I learned: the star of Ugly Betty, which won for Best TV Comedy, is not really ugly. I know, I know, shocking. I've never seen the show, but I can't believe any show on TV is funnier than "The Office." The brief clip they showed last night where Steve Carell affirms his racial sensitivity by comparing his respect for Jesus Christ and Apollo Creed was ten times funnier than the clip of Ugly Betty walking into a plate-glass wall. Stupid politically correct voters.

Also, Annette Benning is aging much better than Warren Beatty. I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise considering that she is more than ten years younger than he. This was the segment that caused me to begin the channel surf. I mean, I am sure that Tom Hanks meant well in his tribute to Beatty, and he is just so gosh-darn earnest, but this was his worst performance since Bonfire of the Vanities, with none of the quirky charm of Joe Versus the Volcano.

Neuheisel New Hire
Baltimore Ravens' coach Brian Billick announced that he has promoted quarterbacks coach Rick Neuheisel to offensive coordinator. I have no idea how this will affect the team, but here is what I know about Neuheisel: he was a success at Colorado, where kept his players happy with inner-tubing trips and his guitar-playing antics, but he left for the big bucks at the University of Washington and left a mild stench of NCAA violations at Boulder. He was also successful at Washington, but was fired after he won a big-money ($5,000) NCAA basketball pool. He then sued UW and the NCAA for wrongful termination and won $4.5 million. Reports stated that Neuheisel shed a few tears on the stand during his testimony. Now, I think it's alright to cry (see Rosie Grier link above) during a multimillion dollar trial, but only if you're the guy who has to pay.

Hoopsy Daisy!

GW
The Colonials cut a 17-point second half deficit to one, but were never able to take the lead in a 91-84 loss at UMass last night. This wasn't one I expected them to win, and they showed strong resolve in making several runs at the Minutemen down the stretch. The hosts's interior tandem of Stephane Lasme (23 points, 13 rebounds, 11 blocks) and Rashaun Freeman (21, 7) dominated, but it was the unexpected outside prowess of Etienne Brower that opened up the paint for the big guys. Brower, who missed the first seven games of the season with an ankle injury, knocked down two treys in the first six minutes last night. On the plus side, Carl Elliott (19 points, 6 rebounds) and Maureece Rice (30, 7) made lots of clutch shots to keep it close, and GW got good minutes from Cheyenne Moore and Damian Hollis. As I have been saying for a while, check back with me at the end of the month for a more in-depth evaluation of this team.

Terps
As I have also been saying for a while, after ripping through the bottom quartile of the RPI recently, Maryland stumbled badly at home last night against Miami. Unlike Iona, Miami has actually won a game this season. Unlike Mount Saint Mary's, Miami decided to play defense against Mike Jones. And unlike Siena, Miami has players who are just as big, quick and skilled as Maryland's. Still, this is not the end of the world for the Terps. In fact, Gary Williams will use this loss to great effect in motivating his team, especially his young guards. But no amount of coaching is going to add bulk to Ekene Ibekwe and James Gist or quickness to Will Bowers. Could be ugly when Tyler Hansbrough gets ahold of these guys. Fortunately, the Terps match up much better with Clemson, who comes to town this weekend. Look for Maryland to catch the Tigers looking ahead to UNC and pull the upset to beat Duke out of the ACC cellar.

Wizards
Some stat maven is going to have to look up the last time Washington won when Gibert Arenas scored only 21 points, but balanced scoring effort put the Wiz over the Bulls 113-103 at Verizon Center last night. Caron Butler continued his hot streak with a team-high 26 points and Antonio Daniels had his highest scoring total of the year with 15 off the bench. In a game that pitted one of the league's highest scoring offense against one of its stingiest defenses, the Wiz won out, bouncing back nicely from Sunday's loss to the Raptors. Over at Hoops Addict, Ryan thinks that Marty Burns ranked Washington too high at #3 (I disagree) and loves that Slam Online posted Carmelo Anthony's iPod playlist (I am befuddled).

Tomorrow
If you're lucky, I'll have a full recap of tonight's George Mason vs. Towson game. How could you want anything more than an up-close look at two teams battling it out for for sixth place in a midmajor college basketball conference?

Go Gilbert, it's your birthday!

Not sure if today is actually Gilbert Arenas' real birthday, but there is a party for him in DC tonight that is becoming the event of the season, to borrow a phrase from Kansas. I used to believe that I played my best basketball of the year on my birthday, even when it was just a pickup game. Gilbert had pretty special night with the gamewinner on Wednesday; maybe that was his birthday. Head on over to Big Stein's for all the news and links, but be careful, you could be there a while.

Denver 117, Washington 108

(To the tune of, "Baby, It's Cold Outside." Go ahead, sing it with a friend.)

‘Melo can’t play – Another big break for our side
Nor JR and Nene – Wizards should whip Denver’s hide
The Nuggets’ lineup is thin – This looks like an easy win
That would be nice – In just one week, to beat them twice
I don’t think we should worry – the Wiz should win, scoring a flurry
Caron and Gil will be running the floor - Listen to the crowd roar
But Earl Boykins is playing with fury – Rebounding like Moses Scurry
Maybe this could be a chore – Washington’s shooting is poor

Tonight the Wiz stink - Baby, it's bad out there
Everything’s out of sync - No points to be had out there
I wish I knew how – Boykins is playing like Yao
It’s hard to tell – When just last night, they played so well
Every time they try to go, go, go, sir – The Wiz can’t seem to get any closer
The lead looks three miles wide – They’re just playing for pride
It’s just not their day – Now I have no doubt

The shots just won’t go - Baby, they’re cold from outside
No rhythm, no flow - Can’t seem to get off the schneid
Marcus Camby has been – Fiercer than Rin Tin Tin
Another miss by Antawn – And a foul on DeShawn
More out of tune than Sid Vicious – Tonight the Wiz sleep with the fishes
On D, no one’s minding the store – When Joe Smith cuts backdoor
Taking shots against Eddie’s wishes - Can’t get a break from the officials
Well maybe just one quarter more – If only they could tie the score

They rally like they’re at home – Cut the lead to a pair
My mouth is starting to foam – On my knees in a prayer
But the Birdman crash lands – Tonight he won’t take a bow
I can’t believe what I see – Why do the Wiz do this to me?
I guess there’s always tomorrow – Clips and Suns might only bring sorrow
At least they really tried – Could have rolled over and died
And next time they play – I’ll be on the couch
Cuz, baby, it's cold outside

Zero to 60 in 53 minutes

Truth be told, Gilbert Arenas only played 49 minutes in Washington's 147-141 overtime win against the Lakers last night, and while his 60-point outburst was historic and dramatic, it was not surprising. Arenas and the Wizards forced the tempo all night (and into the morning), and his points came from everywhere; he had 15 from three-point range and made 21 free throws. In the five minute OT, he scored 16 points, more than some teams have had in an entire quarter this season. And unlike Kobe Bryant's 81-point game last year, Gilbert took less than half of his team's shots and added eight assists and eight rebounds (Kobe had two and six).

I won't try to summarize the game; Big Stein has all the links you could want over at the Bog. But I do have a few random thoughts:

On the East Coast, you had to stay up late to watch this one, but it was worth it. Right up there with the Caps four-overtime loss to the Islanders in the 1987 playoffs, except that the Caps lost, of course.

Caron Butler decisively settled the question of who got the best in the Butler for Kwame Brown trade last season.

When Odom is healthy, the Lakers are just a better point guard away from contending for a title. Bynum is becoming a Western Conference Dwight Howard, Walton is the best three-point shooter in the League, Radmanovic and Vujacic can also shoot it, and when you forget that Kwame was the number one pick, he looks like a good body to have coming off the bench. They have a better record than any team in the East, but are looking at a five seed in the West today.

The Comcast announcing team of Steve Buckhantz and Phil Chenier do a good job, but they are unabashed homers (New Years Resolution: use the word abashed without the "un" in a sentence). Last night, one of them, I can't remember which, said, "Kobe Bryant really has Arenas-like range on his jumper," and the other agreed. I love Gilbert's game, but I think most people would have reversed the roles in that comparison.

Agent Zero is a really cool nickname, the best in the NBA. It's cool because it has nothing to do with his initials or truncating his name, like T-Mac, KG, 'Melo, or D-Wade. It's cool because it's intrinsic to his personality and captures his well-chronicled eccentricity. It's cool because it came from a blogger, and wasn't focus-grouped into existence by a marketing executive. If you think about it, "The Answer" is a clever sobriquet coined by Reebok for Allen Iverson. But that's the problem; you have think about it. Agent Zero makes you smile right away, and then laugh when you think about it. It's cool because Gilbert likes it; I think he enjoys calling himself Agent Zero and laughs when others do the same. Back to Iverson for comparison: I just don't picture him screaming out, "I am the Answer!" after a big shot. It's cool because Gilbert didn't give himself the tag, like Kobe with the ridiculous "Mamba" or Shaq with his millions of monikers. Finally, it's cool because last year, when Gilbert was asked by a Miami police officer if he had any "street names," Gilbert jokingly replied, "Zero Hero."

I can honestly say that I am not nearly as enthused about the black and gold uniforms that the Wizards wore last night. I don't mind the gold jerseys as much as some folks do, but the black shorts are not working for me no matter how many games they win. Basketball uniforms are meant to have the same color shorts and shirts. The two-color combo looks like something Marathon Oil would have worn in the 1990s as they barnstormed around the country playing in college exhibitions. Or a Greek professional team named after its sponsor. Make the shorts tighter and you've got yourself a women's volleyball uni. Give me a gold-and-gold or a black-and-black, but right now the Wizards look like the equipment manager packed the wrong crates.

The Wiz have won eight of their last 10 and are one game over .500, something I hadn't hoped for until the end of the month. It's fair to argue that they beat Miami without Shaq and Wade, Philly without Iverson, and the Lakers without Odom, but they did beat Dallas with Dirk and Denver with Carmelo, and they have now won three in a row on the road. By the way, it looks like 'Melo will be a noshow in tonight's rematch after the "Fight Night in the Garden" over the weekend. I have nothing to say about the brawl, but if anyone has a good "Stop Snitching" joke to pass on, I am all ears.