One of the clichés of the blog world is the “sorry I haven’t been blogging lately” post. This is often the last entry in a blog after a once-furious pace of daily posting declines into semiweekly and biweekly halfhearted contributions before the blog is jettisoned completely to float away like space junk in the blogosphere. It is the blogger's equivalent of, “I’ll call you,” except that the jilted blog doesn’t sit by the phone, get angry and bitter, and take solace in the company of similarly treated blogs while going through a temporary period of hating all bloggers.
Now, cliches derive their strength from the overwhelming evidence in support of them, but they would be less powerful without the occasional counterexample. So, to bolster this blog cliché, FitzFacts.com is back and better than ever! (like it could be worse)
Let’s begin with the temporary demise of the Tony Kornheiser Radio Show. As of last Friday, Mr. Tony is off the air until at least the end of football season. Of course, one never knows what opportunities could arise from MNF, but he says he will return to the radio because he enjoys it so much, and I believe him. I sent him a few emails last week. The last one was a farewell rap, which he acknowledged as very good and very nice, but he didn’t read it because he said it was too long and he didn’t think he would get the cadence. He’s probably right about that, but I don’t think Eminem would get the cadence because it was written by a man possessing the rhythmic skills (not skilz) of a bag of microwave popcorn. So here it is:
Dear Mr. Tony,
The following is a little tribute I penned as a farewell. If you read it on the air, think Run DMC. Better yet, have someone under the age of 50 read it in your stead.
Went to high school in Hewlett, sir
Never won a Pulitzer
Started out as a writer
When Haggar pants used to be tighter
Then came SportsTalk and TV
Guests like Junior and Grevey
And we all think it's funny
When his dog eats his money
Don't try to turn off his mike, please
He will bury you like cheese
Pickin' brackets with aplomb
You know he's rollin' with Phil's Mom
Now he's multimedia
Clicks the Web like Expedia
Rocks his radio old guy
Keeps Johnnie Walker Blue close by
Wants to roadie for Springsteen
But can't lift more than Miss Teen
ESPN made a good call
TK on Monday Night Football
Don't know Mike Adams from Flozell
Could he be the next Cosell?
And if this ain't your thang, huh?
I say, "Cazzata Malanga!"